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About the Songs: "Wildfire"


"Oh,

how can I make this up to you?

Oh,

you love a crazy baby.

Ooh,

I try to hum a tune,

Oo-oh,

that's all about how you..."


My original song "Wildfire" was written as a comfort to the person I was with at the time.


On the surface, this is certainly a love song.


"...love me

and I don't have a clue as to why,

but I love you.

I fight and fly

but I just can't deny..."


You can take a listen to the song and dedicate it to the love of your life OR you can listen to it with a bit a backwards undertone.


Please take a second to re-read the first set of lyrics. Do you notice a difference in tone?


That is because when I wrote it, I could feel how much this person truly cared about me and wanted to continue pursuing a life with me. However, I was experiencing a change of heart and recognizing that we were not as sustainable as I had originally felt, and if you can sense it already in the lyrics, it was my fault.


I know, in many of my songs, like "My Ghost" for instance, I blame myself or consider myself at fault for the demise of the relationship, but I know, deep-down, as well as on the surface, that I was the one ruining this long-time affair.


"Oh,

you are the tamer of the Wildfire

that I always cast.

You

blow out my candles

Oo-ooh

necromantic outcast, you..."


This second verse pays tribute to the sometimes uncontrollable wildfire that I know lives inside of me. It never wants to settle. In fact, I had written a song called "Drive Me" when I was seventeen where the lyrics stated that "settling is a fear I'll never face", and usually every time I happen upon something that feels easy to settle in, the wildfire reacts. I had started to feel too routine, too bored, too selfish and the relationship had reached a plateau that the other party was not willing to accommodate a change in which we could both benefit from. In simpler terms, a flip switched and this person did not feel like he was The One anymore.


"....Love me,

and I don't have a clue as to why

but I love you,

I fight and fly

but I just can't deny...."


Looking at yourself in the mirror after breaking someone's heart that drastically still affects me to this day. I know for certain I made the right choice, but when you grow up with a specific brand of Catholic-guilt burned into your platelets, you cannot ever truly get passed the damage you have caused someone. However, I knew if I stayed, I would have felt my wildfire grow and he would have spent his time thinking he could blow it out like a candle. I was not ready for someone to blow out my fire and I knew I had to embark on a different journey alone. Perhaps one day, the right person can embrace that correctly.


It was not that person fault for not being the right fit, but I sure burned that shit down like a wildfire when I left. For that, I will always carry the debris I left in it's wake.


"Oh,

so we've gone two, whole years,

and the only stone

in our path

is me

and my delusion

and my confusion

that you've since turned into ash...."


When I originally wrote this 4-chord song on ukulele, I only meant it to be a love song, reassuring this person that I was not going anywhere and that it was okay for him to be the tamer of this wildfire. However, that did not mean I was not burning inside to be free. I am not sure if it was a lie, or if I was feeling stuck because we had been together at that point for two years (and ended up together for three). All I know is that it was what came out in a specific moment in time, under a specific alignment of stars.


I think it is apparent that I do my best to turn my anguish into art. In this, I am not alone and it brings me the same comfort as a lavender-scented candle.


"...but I love you

and I don't have a clue

as to why

you still

love me

I fight and fly

but I just can't deny...."



On a happier note, the music video of the live-acoustic, ukulele version of "Wildfire" is currently up on YOUTUBE: https://youtu.be/00pJ13VYU0E <--- click HERE to peep! It was filmed, produced and edited by 3-time Emmy nominated producer Amanda Ozment, creative director at Factory Underground Studios in Norwalk, CT.


The concept of the video was the show the color, darkness and pangs of being in love with a sort of ethereal, Wizard of Oz-ish, color palette.


"I love you

and I'd still walk the darkness

with you..."


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